So I’ve just come to realize something that i believe is very profound.
Nothing is as important as home, and having a good, peaceful loving home. For avoidance of doubt I’m specifically speaking about relationships and marriage. Not a single thing apart from your relationship with God is more important.
In this day and age, people will like to convince you that’s not true. There are so many ideologies floating around now, about how girl friendships can fill that void, and etc. I’m here to tell you that it’s all rubbish, and I don’t know if the people touting it know, and are being disingenuous or if they’ve just never had to properly nurture a relationship before, but the truth is that nothing matters and can fill the void if home is struggling for dear life.
A new house, new career, success at your career, a new country, a new car, more business, new gadgets, a new body, absolutely nothing can fill in that void, if you’re unhappy in your relationship and marriage. Everything else can be going right, but if you go home to a living hell everyday, it’ll all still feel empty.
Your spiritual life can be flourishing, you can be growing spiritually everyday, but home feels like hell fire, and is unbearably painful to be in, because the truth is you cannot take Jesus to be your husband, and you cannot tap Jesus in the middle of the night for some good loving. You cannot use spirituality to anesthetize your pain.
Sometimes it’s easier to just try to focus on something else, especially at points where you’re so unhappy and crying yourself to sleep every time you think about it. It’s easier to try to even focus on your job, or honestly your kids, but it just won’t fix it, because when parents fight the kids are traumatized by the warfare, and venting to your kids or using them as your friend instead of helping to shape them just messes them up real bad.
Your child is 50% of your spouse, and when they hear you say bad things about your spouse, they realize at some point that you’re talking about a part of them, and it throws them into confusion, resentment, malice, denial, and a bunch of other things. It’s even worse when they have siblings that are the other parent’s favorite, because subconsciously they pick sides, and now the whole family is in turmoil even years after, because two adults couldn’t fix their lives.
Sometimes you have to drop everything and fix home, you have to work through the bad, no matter how unhappy you are, because unhappiness is like the flu. It’ll pass, and you can’t keep starting over, because things got messy. Find you someone that’s willing to fight again and again for home to be better, and if for any reason the person you’re with isn’t down for you when the chips are down, and you don’t look cute, you did something stupid, messed up, then leave them on the side of the road.
Love, Yoma.
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