Do you love yourself? What does self love look like to you?
Is it eating that extra helping of rice or deciding to be okay with not taking a bath, because you just don’t feel up to it?
For me today it looked like refusing to eat that extra helping of rice, because I’m learning to inculcate discipline in myself, (because the Holy Spirit told me to tbh) and create better habits. It also looks like me deciding to have a bath after writing this even though it’s 12:33am. It also looks like me refusing to get into an unnecessary argument or respond to criticism. It also looks like me being determined not to explain myself to people that are determined to misunderstanding me.
Today I learned that wanting to be constantly reminded that someone loves me, to constantly have someone prove that they love me by doing something to show it to me shows that there’s something wrong. The funny thing is that I didn’t even realize that I was doing it until I heard myself telling My flat mate that I told God this morning that I wanted some sort of reassurance, and then The Holy Spirit reminded me of the clip from the sermon on Sunday where Bishop talked about it.
I spent the whole day healing and learning all the ways I need to love myself. I learned to avoid people that are mean to me no matter how attracted I am to them. I learned to give myself mercy and grace for my mistakes, and I learned that I am lovable even in my imperfections. I remembered that someone loves me, because I remembered all the ways that he showed it even when I didn’t know that’s what he was doing. I learned to not go around to people to get what I need, because the truth is they don’t even have it. I learned to love myself today because I am human.
Sometimes self love isn’t indulging. Sometimes it’s discipline, creating good habits, doing things even when you don’t want to, yet giving yourself permission to be human. Finding that balance is the spot where true self love is discovered.
Love, Yoma.
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