Choosing better relationships

Hi guys!

So today was a bit interesting for me. First Alex sent me a message in the morning of a throwback Snapchat video from 3 years ago at a pool party for my old friends Taiwo and Kehinde. In the videos were two of my old friends Uche and Bunmi. Now of all the people mentioned, the only person I still talk to is Alex, and even her, not very often.

I’ve never been great with keeping in touch, and honestly I don’t consider that a bad thing. I think it’s okay to only text people when you need something or to catch up once in a while. I don’t even talk to my siblings often.

Anyway this post is about picking friends. I personally have had to start from the scratch with my friendships, and let go of pretty much all my old friends. In fact the reason I started to write this post was because I saw pictures of an old friend, Alma whose birthday is today, and I realized I had completely forgotten it was today. I’m not going to send any message, because I’m moving forward from my past life, and the people in it.

I don’t know how I picked my friends before now, or the lovers I had, but whatever the formula was, clearly it was a poor approach. Since I managed to pick the worst friends, and people I ultimately may not have been good to either.

I think I may have found a winning formula though. Sunday’s sermon Bishop said some about picking your partner that I think is super profound, and I’m applying that formula not just to picking a spouse, but to my friendships as well.

Going forward, I’m picking people that can fit me 20 - 40 years from now. The thing about that though is that I can’t see the future, so that’s a decision that I have to put completely in God’s hands. What that means is that when God says, “not that one”, I immediately obey, no matter how much I like that person right now. Trust me you don’t want the wrong friend, at least I know that I don’t.

Nobody wants someone they have to roll their eyes at 10 years from now, because you’re just on completely different levels, and don’t see eye to eye on anything. That applies to a spouse, as well as friends.

Even while looking at the now, I’m not picking friends just because we have shared history, and backgrounds. I’m not picking people just because they understand the language and culture of my past. I’m not picking people as friends, just because they fit me right now. It might be uncomfortable at first, but as we get shared experiences together, as Bishop said, we’ll grow into comfort. Whatever the case may be, I’m only interested in people that can ride with me through the storms in my life, not people who are only around when it’s popular to be your friend.

So yeah, going forward these are the ways I think you can make better choices regarding the relationships you choose to partake in.

Love, Yoma.