So I’ve just gone down a train of thought from watching Instagram stories and I decided to write about it.
Only one friend of mine (Ovino) proper knows this, but late 2016 when I had just started seeing the loml, my ex ended his professional football (soccer) career in Europe and moved back to Nigeria.
The relationship had been turbulent to say the least, but he was my first, and we were crazy attracted to each other, and had a lot of fun together, so when he asked me to move back to Abuja to see if we could start off where we left off and see if it’d lead to marriage in a couple years I actually thought extensively about it. Enough to at least discuss it with Ovino.
The only reason I didn’t move back to Abuja was because I’d fallen for the loml. Which if you know the story is very hilarious. Of course I told myself and him other excuses like where would I stay, what would I be doing as I had just gotten a job in Lagos, (one I left a couple months later btw) and a couple other excuses, but deep down I knew it was because I really really liked the man I was seeing even though at the time I didn’t see a future there.
I kept in touch with my ex from time to time, but nothing inappropriate, because I’m extremely loyal, and I avoid cheating like the plague. I think I just wanted to keep a leash on him for whenever things ended with the loml. I remember the loml telling me one day how it was bad behavior to call him in the middle of the night, because I told him that my ex was mad at me for causing an issue with his girlfriend. I was very indignant about it and the loml seemed confused that I was.
Long story short, when I found out on the interwebs that my ex had engaged his girlfriend, also my friend sent it to me as it was on a Nigerian A list celebrity’s page; it’s safe to say I didn’t take it well. I was angry for a long time, which is funny cause my ex and the loml are the same age so why did I think he’d be waiting for me to make up my mind/be ready? Ovino also thought I was being ridiculous and so did my ex’s cousin who’s my friend till this day. As far as they were concerned I made my choice so why was it even a thing.
I’m no longer angry about it of course, and I definitely do not regret my decision. I genuinely think my ex is crazy, (not in a bad way, just a bit wild) and if we ended up together it wouldn’t have been a good match. Truthfully I think one person would have killed the other 🤣.
Today however I watched a couple stories of his daughter’s christening and I started to wonder if I’d have been happy if that was me. My ex has a huge family. Cousins upon cousins. Uncles, Aunties, multiple parents, step siblings etc., and they’re all very chummy with each other. They’ve always been. When we were together he always took me to see/hang with one cousin or the other. Watching them all together today made me wonder what it’d have been like if it were me.
The most persistent thought on my mind is would you have been happy, Yoma? I think it’s interesting that I’m not worried about if I would have made him/them happy/better. I know that I have it in me to make anyone and anything better, I also know that I am lovable, but would they have made me happy/better?
Truthfully I don’t think so. And it’s not only about them. It’s about me; what I want from life, my age, where I am right now in my life, and how much I’ve grown; spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I think I’m still really young and figuring stuff out. Figuring myself out, and at my current age the thought of a family scares the shit out of me. I’m pretty sure I can handle it, but I also think I’m in the process of getting ready for it and that too is okay.
I believe everything worked out perfectly for me in the end, and there are many reasons I’m grateful for the love of my life, but truthfully the fact that I didn’t move back to Abuja is at the top part of the list. My life would not be what it is today, and I wouldn’t trade the work God has done in me, the future He’s shown and promised me for anything else. I also wouldn’t trade the love of my life for anyone else.
All is well that ends well and this story is definitely ending well, and I’m grateful to God for redirecting me to the path He created me for.
Love, Yoma.
Commentaires