Have you ever had God ignore you? Like you called on Him and He just didn’t answer? And it’s not like you called on Him for some pet project that He didn’t send you to do o, or like you were calling Him just to greet Him or something.
You called Him because it was an SOS situation on something you know that He asked you to do. Something you know He told you to take big bold steps of faith on, and now you’re just hot and upset, because it’s like wait I didn’t ask You for this. I was fine where I was. I didn’t tell you I wanted better. I was completely fine with just getting by. You know Egypt was great, because at least I didn’t have all these problems and I was just getting by? So why on earth did You ask me to do this if when I called You for help on it, You wouldn’t answer?
Because right now that’s where I’m at. I’m frustrated and hot and upset at God, because I’m hungry, and tired and in debt and don’t know how I’m going to be sorted out. I’m tired of bleeding every single day. I’m tired because I’ve run out of bottoms to wear, because I have to change them so often, because of the stench of the bleeding, and I don’t even have a washer. I’m tired because I haven’t eaten a cooked meal since Tuesday, and even the bread and margarine I’ve been eating, I don’t think I have enough money to buy more past this week.
I’m tired of human beings just being disappointing and just not being there, but knowing how to dial your number when they need you. I’m especially tired of crying while helping people who were not present when I needed them. What about just not having any friends, because I was doing what God wanted me to do?
I’m tired of a lot of things, and this post is me letting God know that I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. This post is me reminding God that He made me promises and I need to know when He’s coming, and why I’ve had to wait and struggle this long. This post is me telling God all my problems because no human being can help me, and He knows that, so where is He? This post is me serving Him still by writing how I feel for someone else who’ll be in this situation and will need to know that they’re allowed to be human and shed the religious holy suit they wear sometimes and let God know how they truly feel. This post is worship in my own way.
Love, Yoma.
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