So I saw someone post about how women have been busy this stay at home season trying to balance working from home and child rearing and the men don’t seem to be participating as much. At least not on camera, and it made me remember something I was thinking about earlier today.
I was thinking about parenting and marriage in relation to gender roles and all of that.
So I’m firmly team housewife/stay-at-home mom. I wasn’t always on that team though. For a few years, say 2012 - 2019 I was fine with being a working mom. However in the last year I’ve come to understand what I’m called to do more, and it’s definitely more in line with being a housewife.
So first things first this is not to downplay anyone else’s politics or feminism or whatever, but just because something is a just cause, doesn’t mean it’s my cause. This is more about what I believe and what works for me.
I personally believe that the you can have it all sentiment is rubbish. You can’t have it all. You can’t have a successful career and also effectively run your home as you should. One of them will suffer, and it’s a matter of choice which does. I also think that men know this, and that’s why they don’t even try to attempt it. You never hear a man say or think that he can have it all in that context, because he’s aware that he cannot.
Now I’m not saying that the parent at home has to be the mom, especially because growing up my dad was the one at home more. My dad did the school runs, helped with homework, managed the nannies, etc. On Christmas mornings my dad would make whole spreads, he made us sandwiches for school, etc. Up till today you’re more likely to find food cooked by my dad in my family home than my mum. As a matter of fact if you wait on my mum, you’ll be hungry for weeks. I don’t think my mum knew the names of my school teachers, but my dad did. He kept report cards, etc. What I’m saying is that one parent has to man the home front usually at the expense of a successful career.
Is it possible to have both parents pursue successful careers? Of course, but it’ll be at the expense of raising morally upright, and responsible kids, and that’s not a risk I’m willing to take with my kids.
Most men these days say they want working wives, and progressive women, and that’s okay, those men will find women for them, that woman is just not me.
I personally intend to set my husband up for success by not giving him a choice in the matter. You go out there and do what you gotta do so we eat good, and leave an inheritance for our grandchildren, and I’ll make sure those grandchildren are responsible enough to not squander the inheritance by bringing their parents up right, in a godly manner, so they can in turn bring their kids up right. Not everyone wants this, and that’s okay. There’s someone for everyone.
I’m not even saying that I’ll be completely idle, even though taking care of your husband and kids is far from idleness, I’m saying that the things I do will always take the backseat where my family is concerned. Seeing as I’m a blogger and writer, it’s easy for that to be lucrative and still give me time to focus on my home, so I’m lucky. I’m also not saying that my husband will not be present or active in family life, I’m saying that homemaking, and child care will always take the backseat where his career is concerned.
This way there’s no resentment or anger that someone is not pulling their weight in one aspect, because roles are clearly defined and understood. The truth is there’s no way you’re going to be a co breadwinner and handle the bulk of home management and not feel resentful.
The truth also is that bread winning is also taking care of your family and kids. It looks different from changing a diaper, or providing child entertainment, or handling school activities, but it still is taking care of your family.
There’s so much more to say about this topic, but I’ll stop here, and maybe talk about other things concerning it as time goes on and I become even wiser.
Love, Yoma
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