Sometimes we think we’re above certain things, and they’re reserved for lesser individuals who do not have the self control or aren’t good enough or something, but life knows how to humble us, and speaking personally the only person that saves me is The Holy Spirit.
I’m aware that people live ‘fake lives’ on the internet and project a reality that’s different from their real lives, but it’s not something I ever thought I’d be caught doing. I’m a very real person, and even though I don’t share every single part of my life, I don’t pretend to have it all together, because trust me God is the reason I can even afford to smile most days.
Today however, I realized that when you share your highlights, especially on social media, and life brings you a sad moment after, but you don’t share it, because you are projecting an image, or maybe you aren't even projecting an image, maybe you just think that it’s embarrassing to share a moment like that, or maybe you just think that those moments that bring you to your knees aren’t presentable to the general public, then you’re being fake.
Honestly it’s actually celebrated and pretty normal to live life like that in this social media day and age. People tell you constantly how certain things aren’t meant for social media, thereby reinforcing the notion that if you bring something to the internet then you’re doing something wrong. What they don’t tell you though is that living like that kills you inside, and that they won’t be there with you when you’re alone and feeling miserable as hell.
God however will sometimes let you go the wrong way, so He can show you how that ends up and then reroute you. I came to this realization, because I posted a couple videos of myself on my Instagram story, generally mocking about and having a good time, and then a couple hours later I was in tears, because I somehow broke my friend’s blender and she went on a tirade that I had to endure, because she’s pretty much paying for everything and I’m squatting with her at the moment.
Watching my videos and observing my Instagram would never let you know that I cannot even afford to feed myself right now, or that I pretty much rotate the same 4 sweatshirts, or wear the same pair of shoes no matter where I’m going, or that I have days where the only thing that keeps me going is faith in God’s plan for my life even when I cannot see any indication that things will get better.
Looking at my Instagram won’t show you all the things I’ve had to endure just being broke, or the difficulties I’m dealing with in certain relationships in my life.
I would never have known to share this either, but lIke I said, The Holy Spirit helps me make better decisions daily. My sermon note today was the sermon The Father Saw by Pastor Steven Furtick, and it reminded me that it’s fake to want to be seen so much that you only project the parts of yourself you consider presentable.
I don’t know if the solution to this is sharing your pain, and being vulnerable, but I do know that my vulnerability is a strength, and if it helps someone else out there that reads this both now and in the future know that they’re not alone in the struggle, and that sometimes life kicks us down, and we don’t even know how we’ll get up, but in those moments we can hold on to hope, faith and the vision God has given us, because weeping may endure for a night, but joy will definitely come in the morning.
I’m holding on to hope, faith and living in grace, trusting that everything will work for my good. All the seeds I’ve sown in tears, I will reap in joy.
Love, Yoma.
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