Facing Failure

Signed into my old blog for the first time in a really long time, because I want to confront my memories head on and face the thing that gave me ptsd.

I logged in, took a deep breath and came here to write before I dive in. I’m going to read the whole thing again from the bottom up. I’m sure there’ll be so much to unpack.

Truthfully I don’t want to do it. I’m not really in the mood to be assaulted with memories, and there’s still so many questions I want answers to, and I don’t know if I’ll get them by reading it again, but I can only try.

I feel like the reason I don’t want to is because then I can’t hide from the bad memories, because I chronicled most of them there. I’m also embarrassed by some of those bad memories.

This evening I watched an Instagram story and it triggered me, because she was talking about things she experienced in 2016 that I experienced last year on a much larger scale. She asked me what happened, but I couldn’t even tell her, because honestly the story was too long, and I didn’t have the energy to revisit it.

What do you know about failure? Are you brave enough to roll the stone away and finally look your failure in the face? Ordinarily I don’t think I am, but God is asking me to face the stench of my failure and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

Love, Yoma.