I've not written in a hot minute. The truth is my life has been pretty eventful lately, and so much has happened. I moved again, and honestly I was kicked out, but that's not a topic for right now, because the truth is I'm grateful that it happened. Hindsight is 20/20.
I've been thinking a lot about resentment tonight. Google defines resentment as bitter indignation at being treated unfairly. I read a book once called "The woman next door" by Yewande Omoteso and one of the main characters said something that I just remembered. I'm going to quote it verbatim. "Hortensia came to the realisation that the quality of her life would have benefited greatly from more anger and less resentment. Resentment was different from anger. Anger was like a drag-on, burning other things. Resentment burned a hole in your stomach, burned your insides."
While I do not agree with burning other things in anger, trust me I've learned my lesson on that one, and I no longer react in anger thanks to The Holy Spirit, I do think that resentment is just as bad an enemy as anger, because it eats you up inside. It can be likened to a sycamore tree growing in your heart, which has taken root and bears bitter fruit that nobody likes to eat, and whose wood is useful for things like caskets.
I think that resentment comes when you don't believe that the future holds better for you. When you choose to not forgive and hold someone hostage for being human, instead of trusting that God has something better in mind for you, you become resentful. When people hurt you or walk out of your life, no matter the circumstances in which it happens, you have to believe that God allowed it happen and has a better plan for you. Even when they don't walk out, and things just don't happen as you imagine it, (because the truth is that we're all human at the end of the day, and we all need grace) you have to trust that God has something better in mind if He allowed it happen.
I also think that people become resentful when they hold on to things and people that poison them. When you hold on too long to something that constantly eats at you for all the wrong reasons. When someone constantly hurts you, and says things to you or does things to you, and you still hold on to that thing or person for all the wrong reasons, earthly reasons, material reasons, or human reasoning, like what they've done for you in the past, when you know that you should let go, or God has told you to let go.
Some victories are empty, because your values are shallow. When you value the wrong things, when you worship people, when you do things for all the wrong reasons, even when you win, it doesn't feel good. It's not satisfying.
When you're with someone, or friends with someone who constantly nags at you for things that you cannot change or that are you at the core of your being, someone who brings up things from the past, or deliberately sets out to hurt you, or kicks you when you are down, the best thing to do for your own heart, is to let them go. I'm not saying don't forgive, because I practice forgiveness every single day, I believe in forgiveness, but I've learned the difference between forgiveness and dysfunction. The difference between forgiving and loving someone and letting them poison your own heart.
The truth is now when people walk out, or let me go I've learned to rejoice, because God always has something better in mind. I've also learned not to hold on to things and people. I've learned to walk away from situations and people that have the potential to poison me, or my future.
God has been dealing with different things in me recently. Helping me defeat the giants in me, not necessarily the giants outside me. He's had me in a very difficult place, but in every place, He's taught me something about myself or my future using the people around me, and the truth is as much as this season has been difficult I'm grateful for it, because I've learned so many things that will help me in future, and grown so much it's almost unbelievable.
I pray that God heals us all, and helps us to not be resentful so that we can be free to move forward and love with pure and free hearts in Jesus Name. Amen.
Love, Yoma
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