What does the word discipline mean to you? When you hear the word discipline what do you think? Working out? Diets? Being beaten as a child? Punishment?
You know I’m not certain what it means to me, or what I think when I hear the word, but I think I see it as being on my best behavior and doing what I need to do regardless of the circumstances.
Something I’ve come to realize is that Mothers and Fathers usually have different ways of disciplining their kids. A mother’s love for me looks miles different from a Father’s love. Mama’s love is tender and enduring, Daddy’s love is discipline.
Growing up I was honestly convinced my dad hated me. I’m not even joking. I don’t know if it was because I am the first child, but my dad was extremely harsh with me. Like break mopsticks on my body multiple times harsh. One time he threw a cerelac tin at my head, because I bought it as part of my provisions for school. I’ll never forget because he asked me “are you 0-6 months?” No he wasn’t this harsh with any of my other siblings, but he was strict. On the flip side my mum never and I mean never so much as slapped me. The most she’d do is pinch my cheeks or drag my ears, or throw a stool far enough from me to send a message of her annoyance, but not hurt me. I actually remember the first time my mum got really mad at me, and it was in the car on our way to church. I told her to shut up. I think she dropped me at the side of the road or something.
So basically I‘ve grown up believing that women don’t have the responsibility of disciplining kids, and even though I don’t have kids yet, this has carried itself into my relationships with men. I’ve found that in the past I let men get away with pretty much anything. The problem with this approach is that men love and need discipline. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying become your husband’s lesson teacher or whatever. You shouldn’t correct your spouse. Neither of you are kids, you can only advise and respect each other. Don’t marry people you don’t respect.
What I’m saying is that you need to set boundaries, things that are acceptable and things that are not acceptable. A man that will do anything is not a man that you want. You need to be able to give constructive criticism, because nobody needs a coach that just praises you.
I’m learning to be a woman that can instill discipline, but not just for my spouse, because like I said wife not mother, but for my kids, and the reason is simple. What happens when I marry a man whose model was a disciplinarian mum, and a cool/calm dad? He would expect that I be the disciplinarian in the home, because that’s the model he had growing up, and even though that’s not the model I had growing up, I believe in submitting to my husband’s will for our lives.
Disclaimer: I don’t think that we have to completely follow the model he had, we can come up with our own unique model that’s a mix of the two models, but I do believe in bending my will to my husband’s in order to let him govern our home.
What was the model you had growing up? Who do you think should be responsible for disciplining the kids?
Love, Yoma.
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