I haven’t written in a couple days, and sometimes I think you just get so swamped.
So truthfully I enjoy being alone, because it helps me focus. Whenever I’m around people I tend to not be as focused as I’d like, especially if it’s not in my space. I have to fit people in, and do what they want to do, and I honestly struggle with that. I think it’s one of the things God is dealing with in me in this season. Learning to live with people.
I recently discovered that I’m truly an introvert. I don’t know why I didn’t realize this until maybe last year, but I’ve always been one. I think I didn’t know because I’m very good with interacting with people in social situations but it honestly drains me. Growing up I’d always hide out in my room, while everyone else was bonding as a family in the living room.
Anyway, this weekend especially today I found that I was feeling rather far from God. For several reasons. I felt like I hadn’t studied the word as much last week, especially during the weekend, because I was busy doing. I also found myself harboring mean thoughts about someone, and generally just magnifying their flaws in my mind as if I’m perfect myself, so all these things made me feel like I had upset God.
I’ve found that I’m usually concerned about my relationship with God. Am I getting it right? Am I doing the right thing? Is this what God told me to do? Is this what He’s trying to speak through me? Etc. It’s particularly fascinating to see at the end of the week or day of feeling like this that when I go back to check what He spoke to me that week or day, I find that He made provision (of grace, mercy and favour) for everything I would go through, feel or experience. Even the things I was worried about like feeling far from Him.
You may surprise yourself, your friends, family, and the world but you cannot surprise God. He knows the end from the beginning. He knows you intimately because He created you, formed you in your mother’s belly. Your mother may not know you, but God does. He knows you enough to know everything you’ll ever do, every mistake you’ll ever make, and still love you.
So if you feel far from God today, or maybe you just can’t feel Him, know and trust that He is with you, go back to what He spoke, and you’ll find that He already provided the manna you’ll need for the season you’re in. I’m grateful everyday for how God lovingly teaches me everything I need to know, and also lets me know that He’s always consistent even when I’m not. He’s there even when I can’t feel Him, and He loves me and He’s for me always.
Love, Yoma.
Comments