I was going to start this post with how today was a day from hell, but I remembered that earlier today God told me it was going to be a horrible day, but it was a gift from Him to help me be a better Christian and save me from a worse enemy; pride.
Ain’t that something. This day I’ve had where I broke down in tears and jumped over a bed turned on its side stuck in a doorway like a gymnast, because I didn’t want to be stuck in the house so I wouldn’t give into the temptation to jump down five stories and end it all is a gift from God.
So it’s funny how in this season of my life you can’t pay me to live anywhere that’s not ground floor. I mean I’m not suicidal, but I can’t say that the devil has not been whispering. The devil is a liar though. I’m not going to kill myself by God‘s grace.
Today I really knew that money answereth all things. I’m still not going to love money, but I’m definitely going to stop hating it. Ah today I knew the meaning of suffering. I broke down in tears in front of a stranger even.
Then I got home and my flat mate yelled and yelled at me for at least 10 minutes for locking her out, and even though I had had an excruciatingly painful day, I ended up soothing her, because I could see her pain and fears too.
It’s funny now that I’m writing about it, but it wasn’t funny when I was running around trying to find someone to help me carry a wardrobe down a flight of stairs, and only one person pitied me, but even he couldn’t help me. Or when I pretty much broke the bed someone was kind enough to dash me, or when I was struggling to keep my temper at bay at the landlord’s gold shop, because he was asking me to wait 3 hours for something he forgot to tell me about earlier when I first got there. It wasn’t funny when I was dealing with the truck driver who was so merciless with me because of money that’s so small I would dash it out without thinking twice. It wasn’t funny when the enemy was whispering curse God and die and I was busy battling in my head saying I will not curse God while battling to carry things that usually take two men to carry.
In all this however I’m grateful for the strength God gave me today. I never would have imagined I could have lifted the things I did today or done the manual labor I did, but God promised to give me strength for today and He did. I’m grateful that I got to the shawarma shop and paid 1 less lira than I would have and even got chips extra. I’m grateful for my flat mate’s boyfriend who gave me an extra 50 lira so I could give the truck driver. I’m grateful for my friend who dashed me her old bed and wardrobe, I’m grateful that my mum is 60 today. I’m grateful that God gave me the victory today even with my imperfect faith, even though I yelled at Him at some point. I’m grateful to God for everything, and everyone He places in my path today to subsidize what I didn’t get, and love me.
God will never let me lack and I’m grateful. Thank You, Jesus.
Love, Yoma.
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